Why Decision Making is So Hard and How to Make Difficult Decisions With More Confidence
Have you ever felt paralyzed when trying to make a big life decision? Or completely frozen when just trying to decide where to go out to dinner? For many people, decision making can be surprisingly difficult. While we make decisions constantly, what to eat, how to style our hair, what shirt to wear, where to park our cars. Many of these choices feel automatic, but others leave us feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or second guessing ourselves for days afterwards. If you struggle with making difficult decisions, you are not alone. Decisions can send many people into a complete spiral, especially when the stakes feel high.
Why Decision Making Can Feel so Hard.
There are many common reasons that people struggle when making decisions, big and small.
Fear of making the “wrong” choice
Most of us want to make the “right” choice when making decisions. However, this can lead to increased anxiety, overthinking, and avoidance as choices are usually not so black and white.
Too many options (decision overload)
We’ve all been there. Standing in a grocery store aisle, knowing we simply need coffee creamer and finding 50 different options staring back at us. “What will taste best?”, “What brands are good?”, “What ingredients are good for me?”. This kind of decision overload can leave us in analysis paralysis. Having options, in theory, is a beautiful thing, but when everything is possible, it can actually be harder to make anything happen. More options mean more paths to consider, opening us up to comparison and more “what ifs” as we consider the different potentials.
Perfection and self-doubt
If you tend to hold yourself to high standards or leave yourself little room for mistakes, decisions can feel like tests that you might fail.
Being an “Optimizer”
Optimizers try to consider which choice is most favorable over a variety of criteria. This sounds like a great way to make decisions! However, most decisions are more complex and there are often not clear cut answers to what has the most favorable outcomes, leading to further distress.
Emotional Weight
When decisions are tied to relationships, major life changes (careers, moving, starting something new), or our identity, emotional complexity can further complicate decision making.
Helpful Ways to Approach Tough Decisions
Get Clear on Values
Rather than focusing on “right” and “wrong” choices, try to shift the focus to “what aligns with my values?” Making a list of your top values can help you to consider what matters most to you when making choices.
Narrow Your Focus
Try to identify your top 2-3 choices and focus on those instead of the never ending possibilities. Simplicity can reduce overwhelm.
Set Some Boundaries
Give yourself a realistic timeline for making a decision. Deliberation can go on forever if we allow it to, but once you’ve gone through your pros and cons, revisiting them over and over again is usually not helpful.
Check in With Your Body
Sometimes your physical responses, like tension, heaviness or relief, can give you insight into what feels right for you. Taking a few moments to ground with deep breathing or a quick stretch before considering your options can also help you find clarity.
Accept Uncertainty
While tolerating uncertainty is difficult, learning to do so is the key to confidence decision making. Regardless of how much we analyze before making a choice, there will still be many aspects that we cannot fully predict.
Practice Self-Compassion
Try to be kind to yourself throughout the process. It is very normal to struggle with big decisions. Remind yourself that you are making the best decision you can with the information you have in the moment. We cannot possibly know what we don’t know.
Choosing with Clarity… and Compassion
Making decisions may never feel “easy”, but they can be made with less distress and more confidence. Shifting from trying to make the “perfect” choice, to trying to make the choice that feels best for you in this moment can lead to clarity. Ask yourself “What choice feels most aligned with who I am and where I want to go?”.
Decisions do not define your worth, and very few are as irreversible as they might feel in the moment. Growth does not come from choosing perfectly, but from learning to trust that you can show up for yourself no matter what.
If decision making leaves you feeling stuck or completely overwhelmed, therapy can be a supportive place to explore what’s underneath and to build tools that actually work for you.
